ATTACHMENT THEORY
Attachment Theory originally focussed on the bonds between children and their caregivers, and has since then been to help us understand how therapists can best relate to their clients.
A FAMILIAR STORY
What’s the best way to understand Attachment theory? Let’s start with a story. One special evening, two people met each other for the first time and immediately realised they were just to be with each other. As the evening progressed, the man looked at the women in the eyes, she looked back, and then she ran away. That’s strange isn’t. What’s even stranger, is that you know who this woman is. She is Cinderella. According to the story, Cinderella ran away because she was so worried that she would be rejected once the prince discovered who she was, that she ran away to avoid the pain of that happening. As it happened, the prince pursued Cinderella and they lived happily ever after, but if he hadn’t done this, Cinderella would have lost her chance at true love.
RELATING TO OTHERS
Attachment theory can explain why some people find it easier to approach others with their needs, while others are too afraid. It suggests that this all based on the child’s earliest experiences with their parents. In the 1940,s the founder of Attachment Theory, John Bowlby, told us that if a child came to their parent with certain emotional needs, and that the parent was able to tune into the child’s needs, then the child would learn to both regulate their own emotions as well as to go to others to ask for their needs from others. When things go through as they should, then the child is considered to develop a secure attachment. If this doesn’t happen, then an insecure attachment is thought to develop.
Over the past 30 years, there have been important advances in understanding how the brain works. We are now able to see the actual differences in the way the brain works when there is a secure or insecure attachment.
WHAT THIS MEANS FOR THERAPY
There are a wide range of therapies that use this scientific background to help parents give a secure attachment bond with their children. However, this doesn’t only apply to therapy with families, but can also apply to therapy with individuals. When a therapist tunes provides a safe environment, and tunes into the client’s emotions, responding in a king and empathic way, then that helps the client’s brain to heal and to move towards recovery.