CIRCULARITY

GUESS WHO?

There once as a leader of the opposition party. The current prime minister was starting to become unpopular, and the opposition leader started to get more and more positive coverage in the press. The opposition leader got elected, and as prime minister started to get some very positive news coverage. Eventually however, this prime minister started to get less popular, and began to get a lot negative news coverage. This prime minister then lost the election, and a new prime minister got elected.

Which prime minister was this? This is in fact the story of every Prime Minister. The relationship between whichever Prime minister and the public is cycle that just goes round and round.

A FAMILIAR CONCEPT

One of the important concepts of family therapy is circularity. Things just keep going round and round. The exact behaviours may be different, but it is the same pattern that continues.

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These patterns happen commonly in couple relationships. For example, the wife might look to spend more time with her husband when she is stressed. However, when the husband is stressed, he actually likes to spend more time on his, so he pulls away. His pulling away, stresses the wife even more, causing her to try to spend even more time with him, and so the cycle keeps spinning on and on.

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Another example can also be seen in some families. A child keeps asking for new things. The parent feels bad for the child, and give the child what they want. The child then asks for more and more. Eventually, the parents get fed up and give a very strong ‘no!’ The child gets upset. The parents feel guilty, and give the child what the child wants, and so on.

APPLYING THIS TO INDIVIDUALS

Individuals often also find them repeating patterns of behaviour with people. For example, let's think of a kind hearted man who finds it difficult to assert himself. People keep telling him 'you have to assert yourself'. He gets in a situation where he asserts himself, then he feels bad for having asserted himself, so he stops asserting. He goes to other people for advice, they tell him he has to assert himself, which he does again, feels bad again, and so on.

APPLICATION TO THERAPY

One way of helping people is to help them understand the patterns they are caught up in. Mood changes often change according to a pattern, and it can be helpful for people to remember that the way they feel often cycles according to circumstance. It can also empower them to begin to make changes on their path to enduring growth.