FAMILIY LEGACIES

Once upon a time, there was a woman who was married to an Earl. This woman had an intriguing story about how her parents met. You see, her mother had actually been courting her uncle before breaking up with him and eventually marrying the woman’s father. Quite the twist, right? This woman went on to have three daughters. The oldest daughter dated a man, but their relationship wasn’t meant to last. Interestingly, that man eventually married the youngest of the three daughters.

​

Now, let’s delve into this woman’s life a bit further. She was unhappy in her marriage, leading to an affair and subsequent divorce. But the story doesn’t end there. Her daughter, who had married the man previously involved with her sister, also faced marital unhappiness, resulting in her own affair and eventual divorce.

​

Curious, isn’t it? But what’s even more peculiar is that you’re already familiar with this woman. Her name? Lady Diana. If we dig deeper into Lady Diana’s upbringing, we discover more intriguing details. Her parents were due to inherit a substantial fortune—over 145 million dollars—if they gave birth to a boy. Tragically, her mother did become pregnant with a boy, but he was stillborn. Diana was born after him, and her gender made her a disappointment to her family from the very start.

​

The family legacy continued, and we find a parallel between Lady Diana’s 1995 TV interview with journalist Martin Bashir, where she revealed that the Royal Family saw her as a threat of some kind, and the 2021 Oprah Winfrey interview in which Diana’s son, Harry, and his wife, Meghan, disclosed that the royal family viewed Meghan as a threat.

Life certainly weaves fascinating tales, doesn’t it?

Systems theorists recognize legacies within every family. These legacies manifest as recurring patterns across generations. At times, individuals perpetuate these patterns, while other times, there’s a pendulum swing—an intentional effort to prevent the repetition of those very patterns. By delving into these legacies, family members gain insight into the origins of their own behaviors and those exhibited by other family members. Understanding these historical threads provides a deeper comprehension of family dynamics and the intricate interplay of behaviors.

Many therapists are encouraged to explore their own family tree. This exploration helps them grapple with important questions, such as how their legacies might have influenced their decision to become therapists and how these legacies shape their interactions with patients. Similarly, parents often find it beneficial to reflect on how their own upbringing informs their approach to parenting their children.

​

Understanding the legacies we inherit can be profoundly useful for families. It allows them to appreciate the patterns that have developed over generations and provides the insight and wisdom needed to transform those patterns in ways that benefit everyone involved.