DMM EXAMPLES
In the DMM section we spoke about the compulsive and coercive strategies. Here are some examples to show what they may look like.
A COMPULSIVE
EXAMPLE
For an example of some compulsive strategies, watch this clip from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air:
We see Will Smith’s character at first not looking especially fussed when his father hins he wouldn't be seeing him anymore, however it becomes very apparent that there are underlying feelings of hurt and anger.
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From a DMM perspective, we speculate that the absense of WIll's father as a child caused Will to suppress his feelings of longing for him. As he grew up, WIll may have developed other strategies to creative positive connections with others, such as demonstrating his competence as a growing young man. As he grew older still, he may have added more strateges of denying his need for intimacy. All the while however, those underlying feelings of anger and hurt never went away.
A COERCIVE
EXAMPLE
An example of coercive strategies can be seein in this clip from Charlie and the Chocolate factory
“The girl is obviously spoilt” will often be someone’s first impression. However, the DMM perspective would say that was only part of the story. We would be interested to know why it was so important for the girl to keep getting what she wants. It could be, that her deeper emotional needs were never really met. For example, in this situation, her father was obviously a successful businessman and may have not been able to provide the time that his daughter needed. It may be that when she demanded something and he gave it to her, that it would become proof that her father loved her. In the ideal situation, her parents would have been able to attune to her underlying emotions, and to have helped her not feel alone in the way she was experiencing them. However, in this situation, giving her wanted she demands because somewhat of a substitute. The problem is it’s a bit like to get fill on fairy floss; it tastes sweet at first but never quite fills.
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There are also other things that children may seek as a substitute for nurture. For example, children may get into risk taking situations and have a parent rush to the rescue, or they may find that if they go into a vulnerable role, such as being sick, then their parent spends a lot of time with them.
It’s easy to get frustrated with people who show these behaviors , but it may be helpful to realize tat that there is a deeper underlying need that they are just desperately trying to meet.
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In this scene, the girl alternates between being demanding e.g. 'where is it, I want it now!' and being vulnerable "they're not even trying, they don't me to have it". She is also highly animated, emotional and uses a wide range of tonality in her voice. This is typical of the coercive strategies, where expression of emotions is exaggerated, and where there is an alternation between vulnerability and invincibility. Her role alternates between being the enforcer who is demanding from her father, and between being the hapless victim that her father has to rescue.
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As these children get older, they may add more strategies if there is a high degree of danger in their environments. They may for example display vulnerabilty and coyness in invivting connection, then become vindicative and obsessed with revenge if that invitation isn't accepted. An example of this is Potiphar's wife in the Book of Genesis.
SOME CLOSING THOUGHTS
It might be hard to get a full picture from these two examples alone, however they may just give a glimpse into how these every day behaviours could be considered from a DMM perspective. Sometimes, the behaviours don’t clearly fit in one direction, and may be some combination from the tw. As these behaviours become more extreme, then they may be consistent with the behaviours that professionals would associate with mental illness. The DMM approach has the benefit of finding the underlying needs and meaning underneath these behaviours.